i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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