I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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