I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
