dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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