I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
