what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
