Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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