He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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