so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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