Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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