The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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