dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
