We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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