He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you inspire me to be a worse person
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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