I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
