I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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