I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
