Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
