So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize