The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize