Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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