Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
