I feel great
I just peed on a car
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
