Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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