Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
