; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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