I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
