i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
