So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
