Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
