We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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