You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
