So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
