Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize