Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
