yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
