ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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