Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
