I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
