We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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