I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
