Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
