I puked a lego.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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