I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize