When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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