the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
