if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
