I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
