3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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