Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
