I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
