I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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