Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
