A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
