I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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