there's paper in my vomit.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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