Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
