No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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