So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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