I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
did you just send me my own nude
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
