I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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