Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
one might say we're banned from that church
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize