Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
