I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
