i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
