chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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