On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
