so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize