o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
