as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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