dude i'm inner monologue high
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
