Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
