it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
