My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
