You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
