So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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