I just pynch a tree in the face
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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