Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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