I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
