you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
