My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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