I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
