Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
