i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
