drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
